By Rob Tonnesen
I have never seen an episode of that television show until this summer. I had no one to text my frustration to over Ross being Ross or my sheer joy over Monica and Chandler hooking up and moving in together. (I am still midway through season six as of writing so no spoilers) I found myself cooking up theories as which of my friends would be cast as the friends on the show. Joey has to be bad at sex because he cannot keep a woman. I just came up with a fun little game. My last post on this website was talking about hockey and why it meant so much to me. So I thought I would play a little fun game. What if hockey teams were the cast of Friends. So dear reader, for your reading pleasure, I am going to breakdown the personalities of each friend and identify it to a hockey team. Please, you enjoy.
He’s quite outspoken with his quick, sarcastic quips as he constantly jokes around and pokes fun of his friends. He always seems to have some unusual ideas brewing in his mind that stem from external factors and he likes to focus on what the future holds, choosing to avoid his past and family life. When nervous in social situations, Chandler turns to humor to avoid dealing with real emotions because he is so insecure.
Chandler Bing is the Columbus Blue Jackets
Columbus makes the perfect Chandler. They are often described as the lovable losers of the NHL They always come so close to breaking through you almost root for them despite the fact they are playing against your team. They do things based on logic (Chandler’s job) and anyone who follows the Columbus Blue Jackets twitter knows that they always are the first ones to poke fun at their friends/other teams. Case in point when a game in January 2015 between Columbus and the Anaheim Ducks turned into a GIF battle from the Mighty Duck movies. Chandler had an on again off again relationship with Janice. That girlfriend he wanted to get rid of because he knew something was better. Columbus has an on again off again relationship with the bottom of the NHL standings. You know they deserve better but they cannot shake it.
She definitely draws her energy from others and her constant desire to control and manage her friends’ actions. Rachel even puts her in charge of her love life, which Monica happily takes on because of her personal belief that she knows more about Rachel than Rachel herself does. Details define everything for Monica, and this causes her to make most of her decisions with her head through logic and reason. As a head chef, she is very in control and detail-oriented. More than anything, Monica thrives on order and schedules; you will never see the apartment out of order or dirty while she is there.
Monica Geller is the Montreal Canadiens
There is literally no other choice for Monica than the Montreal Canadiens. Montreal is all about order and structure. They want to make everything about them. They try to control the narrative that the league talks about. Even when the team is bad, they are still the most watched team in all of Canada. They feel that they know more about hockey than the NHL does so what is good for Montreal is good for the NHL. The Canadiens care about details to a fault. They just traded their best player because he didn’t “fit” with the model they have in Montreal. You find yourself having a love/hate relationship with Montreal you want to see them do well, yet if they fall on their face you do kind of have a sick chuckle to yourself and watch the dumpster fire they are. Plus it is always fun to poke and laugh at their fat days.
Phoebe is one of those people who could talk to anyone about anything. She gets her energy through talking and singing about the abstract ideas and theories she comes up with. Her imagination is incredible- just listen to any one of her songs or take a trip in her own doll house she created out of shoe boxes complete with a slide, a licorice room, an aroma room and a bubble machine. Like Chandler, she is very spontaneous in all aspects of her lifestyle. While she doesn’t have a stable job or love life, it seems to work well for her because she’s more interested in living impulsively than by an ordered routine.
Phoebe Buffay is the Buffalo Sabres
Buffalo is the perfect choice to be Phoebe. In the fact that when it comes to Phoebe, I always felt like she was just kind of there in the overall stories. Very few times (her storyline with her twin sister, the triplets, and her dating the cop) did we focus on Phoebe. We often spent time going “oh yeah Phoebe, what’s she been up to”. That’s how it is in Buffalo, we often forget they have a team. The team has imagination, the team has spirit, the team can talk to anyone about anything. The team likes to live impulsively. If you have seen the Buffalo General Manager at the draft you know how impulsive he can be. Plus like Phoebe, the Buffalo Sabers have quite the art of singing. As seen below with Left Winger and Latvian rap sensation Zemgus Girgensons.
As the only introverted character, Ross is somewhat shy and keeps to himself- especially during his college years when interacting with Rachel, his secret crush. He is thorough and remembers specifics about certain individuals because he values loyalty. He tends to make decisions with his heart, which leads to emotional pain and heartache most of the time. Thus, it is no surprise that Ross is highly agreeable, as demonstrated by his compassion, trust and generosity. He is very willing to compromise his own personal interests for those of others. In fact, Monica sometimes criticizes him for being their parents’ favorite child because he always tried to please them with his highly agreeable tendencies.
Ross Gellar is the New York Rangers
Ross is the New York Rangers because Ross always thinks the past was better than the future. He always likes to show off his collection of fossils just like the Rangers likes to show off their fancy building every chance they get. The Rangers are also strangely loyal to some people in the organization. They won’t give up on them even when they know it’s time that they move onto better things in greener pastures. Ross is often considered the favorite child of the Gellars. The Rangers are often considered the favorite child of the NHL with the favorable schedule and some would say favorable calls. Plus, living in the NYC area, the Rangers take up most of the hockey conversation, leaving the Devils and Islanders out in the cold feeling unloved.
She gets her energy from interacting with her friends because she doesn’t like to be on her own. She cares about trends and her appearance in the minds of others, which leads her to be constantly aware of her surroundings. She works in the fashion industry so it’s only natural for her to act this way. Rachel thinks with her heart, which, like Ross, means that she easily gets hurt when it comes to relationships. She cares deeply for her friends and pays attention to their emotions. After Rachel leaves Barry at the altar, her life becomes extremely spontaneously and out of control because she has to learn how to survive without her dad’s money. She begins to gain some order when she achieves a steady job at Bloomingdales and then Ralph Lauren. Rachel has a somewhat low conscientiousness because she is easily distracted and tends to leave things around or forget things. Monica specifically will not let her borrow anything because she knows that Rachel will lose it.
Rachel Green is the Dallas Stars
Rachel is the ideal girl next door, just like Dallas is the ideal team next door. They have been sexy for quite a while with the idea of flirting with being great. However, just like Rachel it does not pay attention to detail and often ends up hurting at the end of the season without a championship. Rachel cares about her former roommate Monica, just like how Dallas cares about its two goals. However, just as Rachel tends to lose things around the apartment, Dallas will tend to lose leads when it matters the most. Given the division that Dallas is in, they are trying to keep up with the latest trends. Rachel, worked in fashion, so she had to know the latest trends. However, each of the two kept on getting stuck in the rut of not being able to advance themselves.
He could not be a more extroverted individual. He constantly thrusts himself into new social situations because of his occupation as an actor. He is very comfortable with talking to others, even though what he says may not make any sense. This is probably due his tendency to prefer abstract and theoretical way of processing information. Emotions definitely drive Joey’s actions and he dislikes conflict, especially within his friend group. (Remember when he wrote a script for Chandler and Ross to read aloud to quell their fight concerning how to help Joey get his creative writing juices flowing?) Joey is the epitome of spontaneity. Simply put, there is no order in Joey’s life whatsoever. Joey is highly extroverted because he thrives on human interaction, whether it’s on stage or in Central Perk. He’s always full of energy and likes to think of himself as the life of any party.
Joey Tribbiani is the Edmonton Oilers
Edmonton makes the perfect team for Joey. The team is full of life and youth. They are unafraid to be the life of the party, and are unafraid to make themselves known. Like Joey, some of the words, or things coming out of Edmonton’s mouth makes zero sense. Often times Edmonton and Joey like to think that life in the early 90’s was the best. Joey was Dr. Drake Ramoray on Days of Our Lives and Edmonton was the city of champions. Those days are long gone for our heroes. However, we always think they can turn it around. Joey cares for his friends the same way Edmonton cares for Connor McDavid and anyone that is a friend of McDavid. Joey also is pretty bad at sex. This theory is backed up by scientific fact, and Edmonton is bad at draft picks. Edmonton makes the perfect Joey because of the way each person thinks. Joey and Edmonton both think of insane ideas that will make the team and each other better. Joey had fireball, Edmonton had trading Taylor Hall to the Devils.