By Jim Foote
6. Episode II: Attack of the Clones
Biggest Screw Up: When you watch the big chase scene and think to yourself, "wow, this is pretty cool." Then you realize they just ripped off The Fifth Element.
5. Episode I: The Phantom Menace
Jar Jar IS a terrible character, but just imagine if that speculative "is he a sith" theory IS right. It's not, but imagine if it is. At least with this movie, you can try to convince yourself it's not the worst. Outside of that, everything else is boring. Pod race? Boring. Kid Anakin? Boring. Senate talks? Boring. Natalie Portman's acting? Boring. Oh and hey, Keira Knightley (I'm not checking spelling here, as it would make me spend more time with this movie) is in this as Portman's super secret double agent. It has JUST enough things to enjoy for it to not be the absolute worst, but then again, that's not saying much.
Biggest Screw Up: Expecting we're going to care about kid Anakin. We don't. He sucks. (Thought I was gonna say Jar Jar, didn't you?)
4. Episode III: Revenge of the Sith
- Obi-Wan vs. Anakin battle
- Emperor beats up Yoda
- You know it's the end of the prequels
- Christopher Lee gets a better battle this time
- Child deaths (in theory)
Let me further explain that last one, as just typing "child deaths" can be rather jarring. This idea of Anakin slaughtering all of the little jedis-in-training should have monumental gravitas and is a great idea of building a villain. That being said, they failed in execution. It's more so just mentioned in passing and left in the background. Bad mistake.
- Hayden Christensen
- Seriously. A Robot with a bad cough.
- Not enough Christopher Lee
- Bad buildup of Anakin to Vader
- Randomly chokes his wife (yay, domestic violence?)
- I HAVE THE HIGH GROUND
Oh... and here's a hypothetical Biggest Screw Up. YOU HAVE JIMMY SMITS IN THIS MOVIE AND DON'T HAVE HIM CALL SOMEONE HERMANO?! WHAT THE HELL, LUCAS?!
REAL Biggest Screw Up: They take DARTH F'N Vader and change him into a whining punk. "Where's Padme? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO."
God damn it.
3. Episode VI: Return of the Jedi
That's the problem here. There's a lot of stuff to love, but a lot of stuff you can't help but feel they put in just because they weren't sure what else to do. The end can only be Luke, Vader, and The Emperor. So, we take the rest and put them on Endor. It has some funny jokes and cool visuals, but for the most part it's just built to keep them occupied because they don't really matter in the grand scheme of things.
Now Josh will lead you to believe something very serious that begins here and leads to the new trilogy, but I'll leave that for him. I will say this, I love how in the end, Luke couldn't beat The Emperor. Some would say he does by way of turning Vader, but Vader's the one who legit kills Palpatine. Props.
I know plenty of people who love Jedi and it's their favorite, but mostly because Palpatine is/was their favorite character. If he's your jam, this is your flick. Otherwise, it's just too uneven to match up with the other two.
2. STAR WARS
Oh, and there is no debate in the "who shot first" question. Han shot first. If you watch the original theatrical release (it's out there, go find it), Greedo doesn't even reach for his gun/blaster. Han openly fires. FIRST.
This movie has great moments. We have the garbage scene, Vader's confrontation with Obi-Wan, the destruction of the Death Star, some classic Han and Chewie action, and everything in between. It really is a perfect movie and it set the standard for the future of the series.
BUT... just because it came first, doesn't mean it's best.
1. Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back
We get Lando, Boba Fett, and The Emperor here, too. It ups the stakes, makes you think they'll pull out the win again, and crushes your spirit. Han's taken away, Luke's defeated and does legit try to kill himself (I'll explain that in a moment), and Chewie has tried to kill Lando (if not stopped). What a team, right?
Let's go to Luke's battle with Vader. He loses his hand and learns Vader is his father. He then leaps to his death. How does he know he'll miraculously be saved? He doesn't. It's the absolute destruction of his world. He thinks he's the savior, coming to defend his father's honor and save the universe. He loses, and finds out he's FIGHTING his father. How's that for a swerve? Shit, man. Makes me just want to watch it again.
Since I'm not putting screw up moments for the original trilogy, I'm going to go with some of my favorite moments here.
Favorite Moment #1: Han shoots at Vader. He doesn't think. He doesn't hesitate. He goes right for the jugular.
Favorite Moment #2: Chewie goes after Lando. Chewie is MY favorite character. His undying loyalty is incredible. Lando was their friend, but being double crossed (even if it wasn't Lando's choice) sends him into a frenzy. I like Lando, but even I'm like, "get him, Chewie!"
Favorite Moment #3: "I know."
Favorite Moment #4: The Emperor shows himself. If you take a look at the original, it was someone else, and they looked freakin' creepy. Check it out for yourself.
May the force be with you. For me? It's time for me to leave.