By Josh Krubner
Some people seem to think that “all film is subjective” and it’s true - to a point. I can’t tell you what you do and don’t enjoy. I can however tell you that if you think this movie has any kind of narrative that makes any sense, you’re wrong and have no concept of screen-writing 101.
I’ll go more into this in my writeup for The List (our [theatrically released] Batman [movies] rankings post) but Dark Knight Rises is a lazy effort mashing up some of the most memorable and most obscure moments in the Batman mythos – in a very horrendous fashion. I remember a youtube channel in the way back called “does it blend?”
The host would just take various shit - food, cans, picture frames... other smaller blenders? Throw them into a giant industrial blender and create a paste.
If someone were to do this with: the Nolan duo, Dark Knight Returns, No Man’s Man, Birth of the Demon, Son of the Demon, Tales of the Demon, Second Chances, No Man’s Land, Arkham City, Knightfall, and… Year One, the resulting paste is Dark Knight Rises.
Dark Knight Rises undermines and undoes the previous masterful movie in its opening scene. The subplot of Gordon just happening to have his confession speech about Harvey on him after eight long years… ugh.
In this movie, it’s a magic titanium leg brace… that allows Bruce to walk on a crippled leg, and run, and kick through solid concrete.
I’m not even going to address the absurdity of the John Blake thread that runs throughout the movie.
The tone and pacing completely bottom out of the movie as the arena is destroyed. The film doesn’t know what to do or where to go and abandons any and all semblance of its precious “Realism” from that point onward… from Batman climbing out of the pit with a broken back, to the fact that Gotham is allowed to be kept under siege for months, or that no one ever found the bomb which is endlessly driven under 2 square miles daily.
There is not one intelligent or thought out moment in this entire movie. From the cops living amongst the criminals, to Bane inciting riots by randomly reading Gordon’s speech about a long-dead politican he himself had never met and had no credible authority to discredit in the first place, to keeping the cops alive under ground, to Batman walking back from the Middle East penniless and w/o so much as a cell phone, to Batman’s lights being shut off, firing Alfred, and losing his fortune in a stock market that was literally taken hostage, to the extra that just falls down to the jump from day to night despite the market having just opened, this movie is terrible.
I don’t know who or what Tom Hardy is playing, but it’s not “Bane”- a psychological mastermind who pushes Batman to his breaking point, both literally and mentally. Hathaway’s ass looks great in black leather. Otherwise, fuck this movie, fuck it’s stupid “reveal” that makes no sense, fuck Tom Hardy’s “Bane," fuck the “plot," fuck John Blake, fuck the batsuit being bullet proof in one scene and vulnerable to knives in the next, and fuck them trying and failing to do every single story beat and one-liner from Dark Knight again… but with none of the care or effort.
The Dark Knight Rises is a movie that shouldn’t have been made. It dishonored the memory of Heath Ledger, and it even tragically and unfortunately got people killed. I give this movie 0.1/10 or an F-.